Yes. I wanted to speak out on this, to the world.
I have been speaking to myself for the past 17 years.
Not a single day, i have gone to bed without speaking to myself on this, in the past 17 years.
I could not find an answer.
I have been asking God to give me an answer. I still hope, He will not let me down.
Now, i will speak out on this, to the world.
I am sure, i am not alone.
Like me, thousands are waiting to speak.
I will speak on their behalf.
I will tell my story, to the world.
It was a typical arranged marriage. Her Indian grand mother living in our neighbourhood, one day in 1991, brought her Pakistani grand daughter's photograph to my home, showed my parents and proposed the alliance. My parents gave me the photograph and looked for my response. I liked. I never bothered, whether she will like me or not but took it for granted that she is going to like me, in my photograph. My photograph and message went back to her parents, living in a Gulf country. The strange photo chemistry worked. They all came, except the girl, we all liked each other and finally the marriage was held in that Gulf country, registered in the court and we were legally declared and registered on our respective passports by our embassies as husband and wife.
Little we realised that there are unwritten taboos between India and Pakistan.
Little we realised that we can NOT simply assume that we are just humanbeings, created by God.
Little we realised that we can not simplify things. We can not take things for granted.
Little we realised that we are breaking the "holy code of conduct" written on our behalf by Jinnah, Gandhi and Nehru.
Little we realsied that we belong to born enemies.
Little we realised that we are supposed to hate each other.
Little we realised that there is an invisible wall, greater than the great wall of China and mightier than the mightiest is standing between us.
Since then we are living in Gulf. In the past 17 years, I have never visited Pakistan. She had visited my home in India, just 2 times in the past 17 years. The fear of the "unknown" is haunting us.
I wonder how many readers of this sad story, have Hindu/Muslim/Sikh families across the border?. How many of them have found their spouse or sweet heart across the border? Can they understand the anguish and pain of such divided hearts and millions of divided families?.
We are told that there can only be either black or white. Every one says that India and Pakistan are like south pole and north pole. But, we can NOT choose one over the other. We love both and we need both. The "better half" of us, is holding either an Indian or Pakistani identity. In my case, my children hold Indian identity. We love our nation and will NEVER giveup this identity. But we can NOT hate each other's homeland, as expected by our homeland.
We have all the greatest icons of love. Taj Mahal, Laila-Majnu and what not?. But in reality, we prefer to watch them from a distance. We are living in the non existing Indo-Pak world, which REALLY existed before 1947. We are a living anachronism. We are living Veer-Zara's.
We are a living tragedy, no one wants to listen or talk about including our own selves.
But i have one answer. If i were reborn and God gives me another chance to decide, I WILL DO IT AGAIN.
Will she do it again...?. I do not want to ask.
My advice to others - NEVER do it.
I do not know, what others think about me?.
I do not know, what my friends think about me?.
I do not know, what my NATION thinks about me?.
I do not know, what my mom, brother, sisters and relatives think about me?
I do not know, what my wife, who trusted me, thinks about me?
I do not know, what my children will think about me?
I do not know, what YOU think about me?
For some strange reason, i feel very light today.
I think, i can sleep well today.
Even i can CRY well today.
What is our crime?. Do we have a place on this earth to live ?.
